Imagine a skilled magician performing the cups and
balls routine or a card trick. They have a keen ability to know where you are
looking and to direct your attention away from what they don’t want you to
notice. This is a learned skill about directing a person’s attention to where
you want them to focus, instead of on the thing that would reveal the trick. Some
people react to sexual assault as if the perpetrator is too stupid to
understand that they’ve crossed a line, but I believe some predators are
actually quite smart. Predators learn to direct attention in the same way as a
magician. If you don’t think like a predator then it’s hard to understand how
they operate. Let’s look at the Ghomeshi case through the eyes of a predator.
The first tool of predatory deception is a double
life. Contrary to popular belief, predators are often sweet, charming, kind,
and helpful, sometimes a little too helpful (Salter, 2003, p. 17). These normal and
positive traits can make it hard to distinguish a predator from someone who is
actually sweet, charming, kind, and helpful. However, the main difference
between a predator and a kind person is that predators will have times where
they dramatically shift in personality. Various women describe Ghomeshi
like he was two different people: charming one minute
and bizarre the next. Predators are usually able to establish a double life
because most people find it difficult to understand that some people act one
way in public and a completely different way in private (Salter, 2003, pp. 20-23, 36). Anna Salter (2003)
writes, “offenders can recognize ideal settings for child molesters even if the
rest of us can’t” (p.29). A skilled magician knows which tricks work best for
each audience.
A double life makes it easy for a predator to build
a relationship that feels safe, but is actually grooming the victim for
something else. One
woman writes, (emphasis added) “I now believe that
Jian was grooming me for the same violence he inflicted on other women. I think
he was pursuing and encouraging me because of the existing power imbalance,
creating a level of emotional intensity as a preface to his “big reveal” so
that I would either acquiesce or never tell. He trained me to feel sorry
for him, to feel guilty about not giving enough of myself to him, to
believe I was special to him…. Even today, as I’m writing this, I
find I’m thinking about him, worrying: will he be disappointed in me for
writing this? Should I hold back? Will he text me to tell me he wouldn’t have
done this to me? But that is how his kind of manipulation works, and I
refuse to protect him.” Grooming is designed to make the target feel guilty for
doubting the intentions of an abuser, to make the victim feel as if the abuse
was their own fault instead of an intentional decision by the abuser. Like a
magician, abusers learn how to predict how someone will react by observing
their personality and how they respond during the grooming phase.
While many believe that victim selection is
impulsive, there is no evidence to support that in the majority of cases.
Predators are smart enough to understand that choosing a target that is
unlikely to be believed will mean that there is a lower chance of prosecution,
even if the victim does talk (Salter, 2003, p. 32). Targeting goes
hand-in-hand with grooming. If one potential target is not responsive to the
grooming process then the predator can move on to the next, more compliant,
target. Ruth Spencer, a
woman who dated Ghomeshi for months without being abused,
believes that he didn’t abuse her because they hadn’t dated “long enough.”
However, length of time didn’t seem to be a factor for his abuse of other
women. I think Jian saw something in Ruth that made him concerned that she’d
tell someone if he hit her. Perhaps she had a strong support network, or just wasn’t
compliant enough. Zoe Kazan tweeted about when she
was interviewed by Jian Ghomeshi. She describes feeling
like she had “asked for” his unwanted and inappropriate attention, even though
there’s no evidence to suggest that she was seeking his attention in any way.
These encounters may hint at someone who was always assessing how others react
to them, like a magician finding the most gullible member in a crowd and asking
for their assistance.
After a target appears compliant or eager to please
then the predator may feel confident in initiating abusive behaviour. Predators
range in how much staging they use to hide their abuse. Salter (2003) describes
a convicted predator that spent 6 months developing his cover story in order to
rape his intended target. 6 months of coming over at odd hours of the day to
help fix things around the house so that he could rape a woman and claim that
he had been having an affair with her (pp. 42-43). Sometimes being overly
helpful is a cover for something that a victim has no way of predicting. Like a
magician who will practice a single move in order to make it appear seamless
during a performance.
When unexpected abuse occurs, victims will often
evaluate their own behaviour in an attempt to understand why something so
unusual occurred. Predators also understand how to respond to trauma in a way
that encourages their victims to “forget” about what happened (Herman, 1997, p. 8). If the predator
appears apologetic, or as if the abuse was an irregular occurrence, the victim
is more likely to focus on healing from the trauma than to seek legal counsel.
From my work with victims of abuse, there seems to be an initial preference to
deny that the abuse occurred in order to survive it. Kathryn Borel stated
that Ghomeshi’s psychological abuse of her occurred every day in the workplace:
“Throughout the time that I worked with [Jian Ghomeshi], he framed his actions
with near daily verbal assaults and emotional manipulations. These inferences
felt like threats, or declarations like I deserved to have happening to me what
was happening to me. It became very difficult for me to trust what I was
feeling.” Ms. Borel describes a case where Ghomeshi’s abuse became normal
in her life and she became unable to distinguish between what was normal and
abusive.
Magicians are practiced liars; they always have a
line ready to deflect your attention if you get too close to observing
what they’re doing. When someone claims to have observed how a trick is performed
a magician may offer to break into discussion groups afterwards to remind the
audience that the focus is on the trick not on the process. Abusers begin lying
daily after their first assault (Salter, 2003, p. 40). Jian Ghomeshi has
used every opportunity to deflect away from his behaviour. He initially claimed
that his behaviour had been consensual
and questioned the motives of his accusers. Even in his apology
to Ms. Borel, he avoids directly stating what he did
and ensures that his admission is broken up into different sentences in a way
that disconnects the reader from what he actually did. Ghomeshi acknowledges
his guilt, but claims that he was unaware of how inappropriate his behaviour
was. Ed
the Sock writes, “Any idiot knows dry-humping staff is a
no-no, and Ghomeshi is a lot of things, but he isn't an idiot.” Looking at the
evidence, what do you think: is Jian Ghomeshi a predator?
Most people like to assume that everyone else thinks
about the world in the same way that they do. If someone is honest and
transparent it is hard from them to understand the behaviour of someone who is
dishonest and manipulative. Predators have no problem using our lack of
knowledge to trick us. It’s only when we understand how a trick is performed
that we can acknowledge what has been hidden from us and what we should
anticipate.
Works Cited
Herman, J. (1997).
Trauma and Recovery: The aftermath of violence - from domestic abuse to
political terror. Basic Books.
Salter, A. (2003).
Predators: Pedofiles, Rapists, & other Sex Offenders. New York:
Basic books.
